Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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