you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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