I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
