i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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