Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
whose ass print is on the piano?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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