i already hear my dad disowning me
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
