She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
