ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
