we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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