your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
