I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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