The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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