i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
