If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Michael Bay diarrhea
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
