I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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