I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
