Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize