i just snorted my name. best moment ever
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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