my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
