all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
