ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Randomize
