i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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