I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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