i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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