i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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