I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
my poor anus
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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