I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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