Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
