rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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