you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
