I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
