Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
