he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize