farters have to be the big spoon...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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