It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
