the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
