he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize