I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
