oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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