can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
