I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
