is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
