He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
