I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
This beer is not sobering me up at all
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
