dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
