That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
