how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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