If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
