Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize