I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Farmville is her only friend.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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