Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
