Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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