Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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