I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
