Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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