It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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