Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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