What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
