I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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