I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
