Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Vodka?
Forever.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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