Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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