my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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