Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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